World Aids Day, 1st Dec 2010

HIV and Me

HIV and Me

Here is a poem to bring home a personal moment for World Aids Day – a poem about the day of an HIV diagnosis…

The Shock

The Dr was smiling

He read and said ‘You’re – negative…’

Then, – ‘Hang on, I’ve made a mistake…’

And shuffling his papers…

He went red.

He said

“Oh no, you’re positive”.

Such a shock

A huge shock like an earthquake had hit,

The ground had opened,

Trapped in circle of heat.

I felt slapped.

I was trapped. In a surreal moment.

I can’t BELIEVE THIS!

Its not real!

Seeing a crisis unfold

Everything put on hold…Is it real?

The shock –

Life would change,

Never the same.

Couldn’t stop the mo-ment

Stretching.

The more the words came,

The more real it became.

The shock, the horror, to be looking through a shattered pane.

Yes its real.

Shattering shock.

Pull. Myself. Together. Breathe.

I start to separate.

Where did I mess up? What it this – or that?

Where did it all go wrong? How long?

In the hazy mist I saw a nurse.

I left myself in the waiting room.

Sent away with a brown envelope of leaflets.

On AIDS.

To face.

My boyfriend, downstairs.

A brown envelope – of leaflets.

Friday afternoon, the services closing.

Time alone with my leaflets in my brown envelope.

He’s waiting in the hallway.

Couldn’t see his brown envelope though…

Then we –

Both saw our brown envelopes together.

He looked afraid

He cried, I stayed

Strong. For a bit longer.

In the misty haze.

The shock walked us home.

To be alone, to read the bumpf,

Who to tell, my family? His?

The shock would just keep coming,

Now from others,

Now from home.

written by anon for World Aids Day..

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